I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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