I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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