I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
