i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
