i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
