kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
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I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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