well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Randomize
