My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
