I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
