Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
