Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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