I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Send us your Text From Last Night!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
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