Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
