I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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