Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
