saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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