he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
