you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
