Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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