Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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