maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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