in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
