Ambien. No doubt about it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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