I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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