Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
