that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
