I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
