if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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