How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
