thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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