I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
