You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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