when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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