Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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