Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
