shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
