He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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