Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
