Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
