There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
