I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
