dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
