Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
