Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
