Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
