Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
