i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
