dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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