there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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