you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
