I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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