that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
