Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
