i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
