I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
