Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
