I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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