there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
