I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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