what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
