Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
