Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Send us your Text From Last Night!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I need to stop coming to work sober
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
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