Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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