alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize