went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
