First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
