ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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