tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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