Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
