apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
