too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
