I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize