I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
