I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
