can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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