As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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