just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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