She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
