He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
