dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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