How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
