Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
